'Your skepticism is just longing for a miracle'
Reading corner
Two Poems
by Insha Muzaffar
(1)
In the mirror
the hangman
looks so like my silence
that I wish I was born as
a million tongued word
meaning freedom
there are no flowers
like that of moon
(eclipsing over old mountains)
no resurrection other than its absurd cycles
but then
the way some people
longingly gaze at the first daffodils
fills me with horror
how do I tell them
that bereft of metaphors
spring is just a season
(2)
You were tired of my faith in absence
see how past has arrived
in your country of masks
proclaiming the nightfall of myths
unlike you I don’t
question the verity of river
carrying songs of uncounted years in its bosom
or the ancient truth of shrine wish knots
turning the rosary of hope
your skepticism
is just longing for a miracle
take a leap of faith and you shall feel
the garland of epitaphs hanging around our necks
in the lasting wilderness of yoked centuries
milestones stand defaced like darkness
and no roads exist except for
the dirt tracks of lost voices
so, unlearn everything
to see how every wall
is an eye
Healing notes
Social courage — I’ll come back to that, because I think it has a little piece on this, very concretely. Courage is actually living from the heart; so the notion of where the word, “courage,” came from. In highly polarized settings, one of the ways I understand social courage is that it takes courage to reach out to things that are not known, not well understood; that may be threatening to you; that may, in fact, pose a threat to everything you believe. So there’s a certain kind of courage that it takes to reach into that unknown.
But there is also a courage that is required of us — that when we see our own community dehumanizing others, that we have the courage to speak to that dehumanization. So social courage cuts in both ways, and this is sometimes the hard part, is that we just would like it to be one way. But then we’re backing away, aren’t we, from the complexity? We’re not willing to sit with the mess of who we are in a way that finds a way to speak to that clearly.”
- John Paul Lederach
I have been thinking about Kashmir nearly every day for 100 days. It is not something I am able to forget because of the lasting impression the place left on me. Its scenic beauty aside, it taught me everything I needed to learn about resistance and resilience.
It is 100 days since the new kind of oppression began and it feels unsettling more than ever to stay silent. I think about what my words, my actions would be worth on any platform but it feels like reminding myself of the many writers, poets and artists I dive into who talk about resilience and speaking up against dehumanisation. I asked my therapist about holding space for this overwhelming grief and also for everyday kindnesses hoping for some wild revelation. She just told me that within myself there is space for all this to reside. That the discomfort, restlessness I feel is not a sign of failure but a sign of continued hope and imagined futures.
And as Krista Tippet (someone I love and admire) says: It’s so often true that our deepest pain, and the deepest things we have to reckon with and resolve, lie in a place that words and analysis don’t touch, and that all the arts and just our capacity to sing is as essential as any tool or any conversation.
Our problems right now may seem big but I think I need, look for and find hope in the everyday relationships we build, create and nurture. Far from the noisy worlds and screams of choosing sides. From a place of feeling, being and healing each other, together.
Food experiments
As I often do, I put many things together :D
I had some fresh gongura leaves which I usually make dal out of. But this time I wanted to try something special. When I lived in Breswana, they would put some green leaves/peas with the paneer. So I wanted to try the same.
Paneer of course was made in my house because I left the milk out too long. Oopsie. So after I drained the water out of the paneer for a day, I fried in a pan with the gongura. And since I cannot leave stuff alone, I added mushrooms. Just cooked it in salt and pepper for a while and mixed it with the rice. The tanginess of gongura is amazing and felt very local :)
Dear you,
Feels like this year has flown by but we are slowly making peace with
the fact that 2019 is nearly done. Hope these last few weeks
are pleasure filled <3
Love, kindness and warmth,
Nidsitis
'I’ve been circling for thousands of years and I still don’t know: Am I a falcon, a storm, or a great song?' - Rainer Maria Rilke