'You will love again the stranger who was your self.'
Reading corner
Love after love
by Derek Walcott
The time will come
when, with elation
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror
and each will smile at the other's welcome,
and say, sit here. Eat.
You will love again the stranger who was your self.
Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you
all your life, whom you ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,
the photographs, the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror.
Sit. Feast on your life.
[Source: https://www.poemhunter.com/poem/love-after-love/]
Healing notes
I sat in bed doing some foot movement exercises. I was thinking what do I write this week in my healing notes. I felt like I have run out of things to say to others. Yet, here I am. Writing. Thinking. Reflecting. Trying to be vulnerable about this. I have been resting whenever I can because works been a bit hectic with great new projects. I have been doing small movements and exercises to keep my body agile. I have been listening to this power down music every night to help me sleep better and sleep longer. Sub consciously hoping this will result in more energy. I have been going to CST (craniosacral therapy) and feeling too much. Basically I have been testing and resting my body. Recently I was lying on the doctor's table and the doctor said to me, you are a stoic soul aren't you? I wanted to snort and say no. I write about stuff I feel publicly and am very all over the place. I whine a bit to friends and loved ones. Instead I said, I don't know, with a shrug. She said she can see the pain I am in. The reactions of my muscles to gentle touch. The way my body holds itself. With her comment, I felt myself relax more on her table. So I am seen, I thought. My pain is not imaginary. The invisible nature of it slipped to the corners of the room and in the middle stood someone who witnessed me. Who felt the need to voice her concern. Who gently reminded me that the pain is here. But we can work our way through it. I've been going to doctors for so many years now and often the condescension and dismissal sticks to my body. It becomes a dress I never take off. Even when I am being present with myself. In those brief moments and the hours that followed I felt the awful dress come off in pieces. Now every day I try to ensure I don't wake up wearing the dress. I wake up with hope, continued attention and intention to do things that give me joy. So here I am, asking all of you, in the hope that I get better at this. How do you take off the clothes that others misconceptions and harmful habits force you to wear? How do you witness your own struggles and the steps you take to heal? How do you undress and stand still? Tell me your thoughts. Because I feel certain that many of us struggle with the voices in our head forcing this code on us. Do you have a dress? A skirt? A suit? That dictates your being on some days? What is its shape? How do we keep taking it off?
Food experiments
Eating outside
Last week my sister D and I went out to eat. We went to this tiny but beautiful organic cafe. It was tucked away in a corner of the city. We went for lunch and it was not so crowded. We ate a couple of things. I even drank the supremely popular Kombucha which I hated. But hey, it is good for health.
The meal itself gave me a lot of ideas for what to cook and I thought it would be nice to write about it.
Firstly, we had this boiled pumpkin with peanut podi on a bed of Thotakura and Gongura leaves. Having eaten both cooked in dal and sometimes even as pickle, I had never before eaten them raw. They were supremely delicious! Seemed like such a waste to eat lettuce when these local greens did a such a great job of being yummy.
Then we ate this delicious whole wheat pizza with onions, feta and gongura flowers. The flowers are again a popular part of the Telugu cuisine. It was tangy and a super good match to the feta and onion. The pizza crust itself was very well made.
To cut the long story short, I think I am going to try to cook these or put these ingredients into my food. They are worth a shot! Don't you think?
Dear you,
The temperature has changed so quickly here. Hot and sweaty.
All I want to really say is hydrate, hydrate, hydrate. <3
Love, kindness and warmth,
Nidsitis
'I’ve been circling for thousands of years and I still don’t know: Am I a falcon, a storm, or a great song?' - Rainer Maria Rilke