'Who could lay claim to such maddening perfection?'
May the being 'here' make sense to you
<3 <3 <3
Reading corner
I Have Been a Stranger in a Strange Land by Rita Dove
'Life's spell is so exquisite, everything conspires to break it.'
Emily Dickinson
It wasn't bliss. What was bliss but the ordinary life? She'd spend hours in patter, moving through whole days touching, sniffing, tasting . . . exquisite housekeeping in a charmed world. And yet there was always more of the same, all that happiness, the aimless Being There. So she wandered for a while, bush to arbor, lingered to look through a pond's restive mirror. He was off cataloging the universe, probably, pretending he could organize what was clearly someone else's chaos. That's when she found the tree, the dark, crabbed branches bearing up such speechless bounty, she knew without being told this was forbidden. It wasn't a question of ownership— who could lay claim to such maddening perfection? And there was no voice in her head, no whispered intelligence lurking in the leaves—just an ache that grew until she knew she'd already lost everything except desire, the red heft of it warming her outstretched palm.
Healing notes
A lot of what I am reading, my tarot cards, beautiful illustrations I find on the internet, all tell me the same thing these days - you have lost faith and it is okay. Losing faith is only one side of what I am telling myself. My current dominant narrative. There are several others, including one where I have immense faith in the universe. I stumbled upon Yumi Sakugawa's illustrated guide to becoming one with the universe (again) and it is a gentle, kind reading about trusting the universe. About breathing because the universe is here. About planting seeds of ideas whose future you might not realise or see today. Or nurturing a different way of being.
So for now in the midst of my crisis of faith, I know there is more to this strange land. I don't know what it holds for me yet, but faith, I try to have faith in all that is in store. Even if it is in brief sporadic spurts. I breathe in and out. I marvel at the universe. It will make sense.
Food experiments
I have been craving a good brownie for weeks now. But this was not the recipe for it. I shall demo some of the others I have found in the coming week. For now, we have a lovely chocolate-peanut butter cake in the world. I am loving the find that is Paleo recipe land. Such fantastic recipes for my gluten free diet :)
Chocolate and peanut butter cake
1 cup coconut sugar
1/2 cup flour (I used buckwheat but you can use coconut flour/almond flour too)
1/2 cup cocoa powder
1/3 cup olive oil (or coconut oil)
6 large eggs
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon sea salt
1/4 cup coconut milk
5 large spoons of peanut butter
Beat the eggs together. Add the peanut butter and make this beautiful mixture. I promise you, it is beautiful. Add the coconut sugar. If you want to make this with maple syrup/apple sauce, add it instead of the sugar. Mix nicely. Add the cocoa powder.
Add the flour, baking soda and the salt. Mix and mix. Finally add the olive oil and the milk.
The battery consistency is pure joy.
For me the end result was a bit dry, so maybe a bit more oil if you are using flour which isn't coconut flour or almond flour.
Bake for 30 minutes at 180 degrees after pre-heating the oven.
You can serve with peanut butter on top - like I did. Really yum!!
Dear you,
I sometimes cannot believe I have been doing this for so many weeks.
It is such a joy for me to do so.
The rains are teasing us here. I hope it settles down nicely. :)
Lots of love, kindness and warmth,
Nidsitis
'I’ve been circling for thousands of years and I still don’t know: Am I a falcon, a storm, or a great song?' - Rainer Maria Rilke