'This poem is about one human heart'
Stop and see the after effects of the rain or maybe the rain itself <3
Reading corner
Shapeshifter poems
by Lucille Clifton
the poem at the end of the world
is the poem the little girl breathes
into her pillow the one
she cannot tell the one
there is no one to hear this poem
is a political poem is a war poem is a
universal poem but is not about
these things this poem
is about one human heart this poem
is the poem at the end of the world
(This is only one part of a four part poem. Source: http://famouspoetsandpoems.com/poets/lucille_clifton/poems/5203)
Healing notes
A line I read in a poem by Dorianne Laux said, "Memory is the refusal to listen to the music of survival." It stayed with me and I think I will reflect on it for a long time. Especially as I try to make changes to my life.
The last vacation I took was among my most therapeutic weeks. It is almost five months since and I wish I had taken the time to travel more for myself, and less for work in this time gone by. Travelling for myself involves things I consider luxurious but really aren't? Like slowing down. Watching every wave/tree/flower/bird/butterfly. Sitting by the ocean. Reading and more reading. Playing with every animal that walks by. Breathing in the magnificence of this world. Even as I know we humans are wrecking it with our greed to conquer. I was thinking about this recently as I wanted to take another break, another slow down moment that slowing down is something I have wanted to do for so long. But I seem stuck to doing it only on vacations and time off or in smaller pockets.
Part of being able to slow down each day that really appeals to me is being able to be present with my body and mind more. Possibly doing more of the things (I say here that I love to do) which form a tiny part of my everyday. Create for myself. At my own pace.
I hope as I reorganise my time in the upcoming months I am able to travel more, be slow as my body is demanding. More time spent with intent and reflection.
Food experiments
I have been craving to make that perfect gluten-free brownie. The pictures and recipes on the internet are vast and vibrant that I have been drowning in ideas. Yet, somehow every one I try has something or the other a bit wrong. This week I thought I would try a blondie. To be honest, I have never eaten a non-gluten free blondie. So I have nothing to compare these with. However, my learning curve with food has taught me that this collapsing that many of my cakes, brownies made with gluten-free flour tend to is something I need to learn to fix.
As much as I would love to share the recipe for this blondie, I don't think I should. It fell in the middle and was a fudgy mess - even if the perfect picture means otherwise. [Corners were salvaged. The middle was frozen and eaten with a spoon.] I, instead, wanted to talk a bit about my serious difficulties with 'failures' in the kitchen vs. the beautiful photographs. I had started writing this newsletter roughly 11 weeks ago because I had felt I was seeing so many perfect things out there and I wanted to be my imperfect self somewhere, everywhere. The recipe world is one example of beautiful, serene perfection. I turn to baking when I find that everything else is harsh, noisy and crowded and I know somethings can be depended on, like the beating of eggs and sugar together. But gluten-free flours, lactose-free mixtures and sometimes vegan cakes have been a challenge. I wouldn't change this because it has deepened my engagement with food in so many ways. It has helped me understand balance in foods better, question my tastes and preferences. In baking gluten-free, I have slowly learned to move away from processed sugar. Many years ago people told me how harmful it was and somehow I never listened as I consumed buckets full of candy. Literally buckets full. It was such a pretty sight, me and my candy, together till something pulled us apart. Now I find my body rejecting the suagr even before I buy it. Similarly, recently when I ate gluten during a cheat meal, my body was not happy (??). It has made me think a lot more about bringing myself closer to and listening to my body's needs. And creating some lovely food in the process that I can put on my plate and the plates of those I love.
For today, I hope you have a plate of food that your body truly enjoys.
Dear you,
It has been wonderful for me to keep this newsletter going. Thank you for being here.
Love, kindness and warmth,
Nidsitis
'I’ve been circling for thousands of years and I still don’t know: Am I a falcon, a storm, or a great song?' - Rainer Maria Rilke