'Then it is only kindness that makes sense anymore'
May you find that kindness makes it way to you, this week <3
Reading corner
Kindness
by Naomi Shihab Nye
Before you know what kindness really is
you must lose things,
feel the future dissolve in a moment
like salt in a weakened broth.
What you held in your hand,
what you counted and carefully saved,
all this must go so you know
how desolate the landscape can be
between the regions of kindness.
How you ride and ride
thinking the bus will never stop,
the passengers eating maize and chicken
will stare out the window forever.
Before you learn the tender gravity of kindness,
you must travel where the Indian in a white poncho
lies dead by the side of the road.
You must see how this could be you,
how he too was someone
who journeyed through the night with plans
and the simple breath that kept him alive.
Before you know kindness as the deepest thing inside,
you must know sorrow as the other deepest thing.
You must wake up with sorrow.
You must speak to it till your voice
catches the thread of all sorrows
and you see the size of the cloth.
Then it is only kindness that makes sense anymore,
only kindness that ties your shoes
and sends you out into the day to mail letters and
purchase bread,
only kindness that raises its head
from the crowd of the world to say
it is I you have been looking for,
and then goes with you every where
like a shadow or a friend.
Healing notes
I return again and once again to these words by Rainer Maria Rilke which in many ways define this healing and therapeutic journey I walk: Fear not the pain. Let its weight fall back / into the earth; / for heavy are the mountains, heavy / the seas. // The trees you planted in childhood have grown / too heavy. You cannot bring them along. / Give yourself to the air, to what you cannot hold. // Sonnets to Orpheus I, 4
Giving up on things I cannot hold is among the most difficult barrier I face today. Anxiety is something I cannot hold; fears of what my world will look like are another thing I need to give up. All things to set free. I do try, to be fair. Yet, I know the holding onto these painful experiences is what effects my healing. Since, off late, for the most part 'only kindness makes sense', there is a lot I need to do to make myself prefer kindness towards to the self. How else can I give myself to the air? How else do I give in to feelings and emotions I cannot grasp or hold onto?
I have no answers. I explored some of my own questions in a piece I wrote. I wrote this piece in Kaha Mind about the connections between my mental and physical health and how this effects my healing. It questions how do I process all the pain better. I hope you will read and tell me what you think. Here's to healing for you, and healing for all.
I haven't been able to cook or experiment these past few weeks. It has been a tiring adventure of learning that my pain can peak at any point. Do you have any suggestions for what I could make, to bring back my love for baking or an excitement in my kitchen? Do send recipes my way. I have the oven for a short three more weeks.
Love, hugs, kindness,
Nidsitis
'I’ve been circling for thousands of years and I still don’t know: Am I a falcon, a storm, or a great song?' - Rainer Maria Rilke