The small pleasures of 2024

Looking back at the year to hold closer the little and large moments that made 2024 what it was

I began 2024 not on the highest note. As the year went on, I kept seeing bad things pile up - occupying way too much mind space and actual space. In a way to reclaim my 2024 (from my own bad juju), I thought I would go back to an old tradition of mine where I reflected on the year gone by. I stopped doing these reflections a while back cause I felt the calendar year wasn't a helpful marker. I thought i'd use my birthdays instead and for the most part that didn't work too well either. So coming back into action (for this newsletter at least), to remind me of the good things in 2024, here is my looking back post.

12 little and big things I did in 2024 that changed my year (in no order)

1) I got myself a tattoo:

of my babies and some yarn. This tattoo was many years in the making. I'd spent a lot of time thinking about what would make the tattoo special but the magic was wholly created by Kruti Andrade. She listened to me talk and designed the tattoo that captured our bond, their personalities and our love. It is magical and warm.

2) I enrolled myself in a poetry course:

I have loved poetry for so many years. In my teenage and even early 20s I wrote poetry thinking I had it in me. Doing the course, reading the books, attending the sessions, listening to others provide feedback, I learnt to see the art and also the rigour and practice it demands. Aditi designed an exquisite course which made 6 months of my year.

3) I wrote something very close to my heart:

After very long, I worked on a piece (quite personal and maybe too honest) about living with a disability. It will be out next year and I am looking forward to others reading it. This process was a hard one as I've recently discovered I put a lot of pressure on myself while I write. But I had a fantastic editor in R who really helped shape the piece into something.

4) I finished 2 years at TLC:

End of this year has meant I have spent 2 whole years working with children at The Learning Centre. Two years of building lesson plans, reimagining how we look at mental well-being (for myself and for children). I've had the utmost joy and pleasure of playing games, of being creative and exploratory in the ways in which we look at our everyday lives.

5) I did zine workshops with a friend:

My friend R of Aeroplane Mode and I began to do Zine workshops together. R is so appreciative of art and creates room in her life for creativity. Doing these workshops with her has meant that I intentionally spent time making things with my hands. I really enjoy the practice of zine making, and have been using it with children. It was nice to do these small exercises in reflection.

6) I restarted my yoga practice after a rest break for my injury:

This was very important for me. Earlier this year, I hurt my lower back quite badly and had to stop yoga for a few months. Those months were spent in physiotherapy trying to strengthen my back. But I missed my yoga practice and my wonderful yoga teacher ThisTooIsYoga. Her classes have urged me to breathe more, to attempt to dissociate less and to move in whatever way is possible.

7) We adopted a boy, Luna:

After many years of S wanting another cat, we adopted a white furry baby. He was in a bad attack in October which meant a once outdoor cat had to be made indoor for recovery. In this time, we observed that he was quite happy indoors. Eventually when his wounds were beginning to heal, we began his merging into our crazy household. 36 days later, he was integrated into the household. He is one of the biggest joys and gifts of this year. Filling our house with his yelps, meows and chatty zoomies. Even the demons K + S have accepted him into the fold. (Well, on most days anyway.)

8) I read:

For most people, I guess this isn't something to put down. But this year, I read a lot more than I have in the previous years. It has been a combination of many things but I found that I quite enjoyed reading crime and romance novels - so I took the leap and read as many as I wanted. It was lovely to be reading like I used to again.

9) I quit social media:

This one... was something else. Around June this year, I realised I needed some time off social media. I deactivated my accounts on twitter and instagram. I didn't go into this break thinking I will never return or I will take a specific time off. I just wanted to reduce the noise in my head. Seven months later seems like I don't really want to return. Occasionally, I miss seeing some news or some events to go to. Somehow as the noise of it all fell away, I felt less and less occupied by what people were saying on there. And somehow more connected to the people in my life.

10) I quit smoking:

This one was a challenge and I've typed and deleted it several times as I am afraid to jinx it. (oops) But I did do it. I had a quite terrible May with 2 weeks of being sick, one of which was with Shingles. Somehow those 2 weeks made it evident to me that my body needed a break. So I just stopped buying cigarettes. I thought this would, like it has in the past, be short lived. But somehow I am still here many months later.

11) I travelled to see a friend:

I haven't travelled abroad for work since the pandemic began. In fact, I only took one international trip since 2020 and that was to visit my sister in Nepal last year. This trip was the first time in a long while, I went to see and spend some time with a friend. It was heartwarming to be with her, her cats and her partner. I even got to see the city a bit. Despite having visited the city a couple of times before, I'd never gone to see the art or walked by the side of the ocean. It was my soft landing during tough times.

12) I worked on a few projects with some fabulous people:

Work was different this year as I worked on a big policy advocacy project which took a lot of my time and energy. The other projects were smaller and (more) exciting. The projects had moments of frustration, anger, joy, resonance, comfort and insight. Importantly, I got to meet and get to know some amazing people in the process. I got to deepen my understanding on disability, build some beautiful things with others and renegotiate my own relationship to visibility. It was memorable to do things I have rejected or avoided in the past. (Not that I am tempted to do it again.)

Writing this up took more time than I imagined it would. I needed to pause and reflect so I didn’t paint the year 2024 only with dark hues.

As a personal tradition in tough moments, I turn to this poem by Lucille Clifton (mostly I do so on my birthdays but this time it felt right even now). It is a reminder that everyday I've tried. It's possibly a dark poem for one to turn to on birthdays or new years (if you know me, you know this is normal of course). As someone who's struggled with depression and anxiety for long, I also know it's a poem of celebration. Of appreciating what one can accomplish. Of what this body-mind do despite everything. So, won't you celebrate with me?

The beauty of this world. The moments that make us feel free of our anxious-spirally-blackhole thoughts. The everyday resistances we witness and don’t (but know are there). The small and big things that shape us. The darkness and the light.

won’t you celebrate with me
by Lucille Clifton

won't you celebrate with me
what i have shaped into
a kind of life? i had no model.
born in Babylon
both nonwhite and woman
what did i see to be except myself?
i made it up
here on this bridge between
starshine and clay,
my one hand holding tight
my other hand; come celebrate
with me that everyday
something has tried to kill me
and has failed.

Poetry for you (and me)

by bell hooks
From When Angels Speak Of Love

let me be
a witness to love
stand on the outside
and see tenderness
unbidden
kind words
and a lover's sweet touch
let me be
a witness to love
see each sacrifice surrendered
how patient and joined
such open heart
let me see and then believe

Messengers
by Louise Glück

You have only to wait, they will find you.
The geese flying low over the marsh,
glittering in black water.
They find you.

And the deer-
how beautiful they are,
as though their bodies did not impede them.
Slowly they drift into the open
through bronze panels of sunlight.

Why would they stand so still
if they were not waiting?
Almost motionless, until their cages rust,
the shrubs shiver in the wind,
squat and leafless.

You have only to let it happen:
that cry-release, release-like the moon
wrenched out of earth and rising
full in its circle of arrows

until they come before you
like dead things, saddled with flesh,
and you above them, wounded and dominant.

What the Living Do
by Marie Howe

Johnny, the kitchen sink has been clogged for days, some utensil probably fell down there.
And the Drano won’t work but smells dangerous, and the crusty dishes have piled up

waiting for the plumber I still haven’t called. This is the everyday we spoke of.
It’s winter again: the sky’s a deep, headstrong blue, and the sunlight pours through

the open living-room windows because the heat’s on too high in here and I can’t turn it off.
For weeks now, driving, or dropping a bag of groceries in the street, the bag breaking,

I’ve been thinking: This is what the living do. And yesterday, hurrying along those
wobbly bricks in the Cambridge sidewalk, spilling my coffee down my wrist and sleeve,

I thought it again, and again later, when buying a hairbrush: This is it.
Parking. Slamming the car door shut in the cold. What you called that yearning.

What you finally gave up. We want the spring to come and the winter to pass. We want
whoever to call or not call, a letter, a kiss—we want more and more and then more of it.

But there are moments, walking, when I catch a glimpse of myself in the window glass,
say, the window of the corner video store, and I'm gripped by a cherishing so deep

for my own blowing hair, chapped face, and unbuttoned coat that I’m speechless:
I am living. I remember you.

A few lovely things

Land of five rivers by Richa Kaul Padte

Partition, climate change, her grandmother, and her - Read this piece by my friend. Was one of my favourites this year.

The light in the void by Kai Cheng Thom

On letting go of wholeness - A phenomenal piece

To bear witness is an act of resistance by Liy

On bearing witness, decolonising death positivity, and being steadfast with a heart that will never recover.