'Strong-back, soft front'
Reading corner
All too often our so–called strength comes from fear, not love; instead of having a strong back, many of us have a defended front shielding a weak spine. In other words, we walk around brittle and defensive, trying to conceal our lack of confidence. If we strengthen our backs, metaphorically speaking, and develop a spine that’s flexible but sturdy, then we can risk having a front that’s soft and open, representing choiceless compassion. The place in your body where these two meet — strong back and soft front — is the brave, tender ground in which to root our caring deeply when we begin the process of being with dying.
How can we give and accept care with strong-back, soft front compassion, moving past fear into a place of genuine tenderness? I believe it comes about when we can be truly transparent, seeing the world clearly — and letting the world see into us.
- Joan Halifax.
Healing notes
Uncertainty can be tiresome. I've had weeks of a flare up that have been tiresome. But these days uncertainty is all we have. I, however, learnt the hard way before this pandemic to stop planning my life too much. Not to say I don't try - because I love plans - but my body gives me reality checks ever so often. Is this pain going to stay? Do I sleep off the exhaustion? Will it get better by end of the week? Will I sleep 4 hours or 14? All questions I ask myself, to which answers I just don't have. I go to sleep most nights hoping the morning has less pain and exhaustion. But when the good days roll in, and they do, I feel like they are on a timer. The memory of being in pain is too intense to just switch off when you aren't feeling it. I was joking around with my friend S, who also lives with pain, about how each time there is a flare up I remember acutely how bad it can be. But in the calm moments, one cannot hold onto that intensity. The respite comes cause that is the circle of this illness. But I wonder if in reminding myself that 'No feeling is final', I have forgotten to appreciate the presence of joys - assuming that joy too is not final.
Creative experiments I had both potatoes and chicken at home; and my two friends S and P who love cooking chicken this way inspired me from miles and miles away.
I boiled the potatoes separately in a pressure cooker and then fried onions on the side. Added ginger garlic paste and waited for it to cook. Once done, I added sliced tomatoes. Let this cook for almost 10 minutes. Then I added the boiled potatoes and the marinated chicken pieces. Closed the pan for 5 minutes, stirring occasionally. Added salt, turmeric and chilli powder. Finally, add some garam masala - which I have newly learnt to use!
Once done - cooks for about 15 minutes till the chicken cooks through - and serve with rice because rice is best!
Dear you,
I know this has gone from weekly to fortnightly. It has been one of those years.
All my love and strength to keep going. <3
Love, kindness and warmth,
Nidsitis
'I’ve been circling for thousands of years and I still don’t know: Am I a falcon, a storm, or a great song?' - Rainer Maria Rilke