'Remember all is in motion, is growing, is you.'
Reading corner
Remember
by Joy Harjo
Remember the sky that you were born under,
know each of the star's stories.
Remember the moon, know who she is.
Remember the sun's birth at dawn, that is the
strongest point of time. Remember sundown
and the giving away to night.
Remember your birth, how your mother struggled
to give you form and breath. You are evidence of
her life, and her mother's, and hers.
Remember your father. He is your life, also.
Remember the earth whose skin you are:
red earth, black earth, yellow earth, white earth
brown earth, we are earth.
Remember the plants, trees, animal life who all have their
tribes, their families, their histories, too. Talk to them,
listen to them. They are alive poems.
Remember the wind. Remember her voice. She knows the
origin of this universe.
Remember you are all people and all people
are you.
Remember you are this universe and this
universe is you.
Remember all is in motion, is growing, is you.
Remember language comes from this.
Remember the dance language is, that life is.
Remember.
Healing notes
I have been toying with the idea of writing about this for a while. For the past few months, despite my best efforts, I have not been working much. Projects have nearly come and slid away. Along with it the possibility of money. This is the freelance life I suppose. I do a lot of work I truly enjoy; some work I get paid very well and some I don't. But the work has been fulfilling in ways I have rarely known before in my work life.
However, it comes with so many caveats.
I love my work. I need more work. I need the money (well hello expenses of the ill and well life). I need balance.
The past month I barely made any money. I used up my savings in a way that I only work from one project to another and just keep putting feelers out there for more work. The month of working less has been beneficial to my overall health. My anxiety is not too bad. I am able to allow my body the rest. I work from bed on days its hard (yay freelance life) and I know I work my magic and wonder on the projects that matter. This is rewarding in its own tiny and big ways. Yet, I spent a good two weeks worrying if I would make enough money for rent, medical expenses, cat life and food. This is the reality. My body likes more rest and I am happy to give it that. But at the cost of not earning enough to sustain myself.
I hear so much about savings and life's difficult sudden moments and I worry.
I think about the maintenance of my own health and wonder, does this get easier?
Moments like this I realise how hard (almost impossible) it is for me to have the rest my body demands. I need to be working, being out there, earning to keep my health in place.
This is one of the reasons I worry about over emphasising the need for self care. Self care would tell me to prioritise myself in ways that is beneficial for my well being. And would I love that. But if it was possible for me to access good medical care, good healing energy, have spaces and organisations willing to accept that today is a no show.
As I grow older, I hear society's (read parents) telling me I am not playing my role right.
I am not inclined to get better this way.
I am causing this.
And yet.
I know that my body and mind are trying so hard to help me enjoy this body and mind. That medicines keep me alive in more ways than one. That I am not meant to heal to return to exploitative structures and hurt myself further. When will our movements, our work, our healing all be the same? When will I not have to burn out to keep myself alive?
I am not sad or pitying myself for this situation. I know I do the best I can and it is important for me to centre work, earning, well being - all together, all the time. Unfortunately, capitalism is real and it won't pay for my expenses. I wish it would at least help me not feel 'useless' on months when I dip into the little money I have cause no work came my way or too much body ache did.
Food experiments Red sauce pasta
I recently made a lot of red sauce pasta for the first time. Means I make it for myself all the time but never for 5 people. At least it has been ages since I did so. It turned out so well that I thought my fluke needed to be documented.
I bought pre packaged tomato puree to help reduce one step of the process but you can blend tomatoes and the cook the puree for 5-10 minutes on low flame with cut up pieces of garlic.
Add pepper, salt, oregano and chilli flakes to the puree and keep cooking for another 5 minutes. Finally dilute it with a little water and a spoon of cream. Mix well and let it reduce for 5 minutes.
Meanwhile cut up the mushrooms, baby corn, jalepenos and chicken pieces. You can totally skip the chicken but I had leftover which I generously added.
In a vessel on the side, boil water with a teaspoon of salt and oil for the spaghetti. Add once water comes to boil. Take it off once it is well cooked.
Cut a lot of veggies and use them all. If you have the Amul butter which has garlic and herbs that would be fantastic. Cook the veggies separately in the butter. Once fully cooked add the veggies to the sauce. Then mix and stir. Cook for a while.
Finally add the spaghetti on top and mix well. You can serve with bread or a side of mango to wrap up this beautiful mango season!
Dear you,
Anxiety my old friend has returned again but with the massive change in weather
I hope my mental health makes a shift too. Fingers crossed.
Love, kindness and warmth,
Nidsitis
'I’ve been circling for thousands of years and I still don’t know: Am I a falcon, a storm, or a great song?' - Rainer Maria Rilke