'Of seeing through the heavenly visibles to the heavenly invisibles'
Reading corner
It has frequently been remarked, about my own writings, that I emphasize the notion of attention. This began simply enough: to see that the way the flicker flies is greatly different from the way the swallow plays in the golden air of summer. It was my pleasure to notice such things, it was a good first step. But later, watching M. when she was taking photographs, and watching her in the darkroom, and no less watching the intensity and openness with which she dealt with friends, and strangers too, taught me what real attention is about. Attention without feeling, I began to learn, is only a report. An openness — an empathy — was necessary if the attention was to matter. Such openness and empathy M. had in abundance, and gave away freely… I was in my late twenties and early thirties, and well filled with a sense of my own thoughts, my own presence. I was eager to address the world of words — to address the world with words. Then M. instilled in me this deeper level of looking and working, of seeing through the heavenly visibles to the heavenly invisibles. I think of this always when I look at her photographs, the images of vitality, hopefulness, endurance, kindness, vulnerability… We each had our separate natures; yet our ideas, our influences upon each other became a rich and abiding confluence.
[…]
I don’t think I was wrong to be in the world I was in, it was my salvation from my own darkness. Nor have I ever abandoned it — those early signs that so surely lead toward epiphanies. And yet, and yet, she wanted me to enter more fully into the human world also, and to embrace it, as I believe I have. And what a gift [that she] never expressed impatience with my reports of the natural world, the blue and green happiness I found there. Our love was so tight.
by Mary Oliver
Healing notes
I recently dug up my pain and mood journals from nearly two years ago. I wanted to read. What I found scribbled there were notes I scribble even today in my pain journal. Words such as: wrists hurt. Need to reduce texting? Reduce screen backlight to reduce headaches? Neck and shoulder in a bad place. Anxiety peaking. Some words posed as a question to myself. Some advice lingering between words of caution. It's been two years since logging my symptoms on often a daily basis and there are so many similarities still. Has my body not changed these past few years? Yes it has. Has my coping of the pain not transformed? Yes it has. Has my pain not reduced? Some days. It is hard to maintain this attention to the body daily when everything seems like too much. Yet, it seems like I cannot not pay attention?! But attention is hard some days. The pain, emotional and physical, is a bit much. But, I have signs all around me telling me attention is key. Here is Mary Oliver saying it beautifully. Then there was Jessica Dore in her monthly offering who spoke tenderly about what lack of attention does. As I look back at these two years, what I do see is the transformation I have had with attention. It's hard but the amount I dissociate with my body is slowly reducing. It is both good and never easy. I think it is still scary to inhabit a body that is in pain a lot. It is easier to give myself some separation. I see my relationship with this body change and there are fewer days of fear and separation from this body, from a body I cannot always control or predict. What does attention mean to you? Do you struggle with it? How does your body, the world around you benefit from attention? [If you would like Jessica Dore's offering, write to me? I'll forward the beauty to you.]
Food experiments
Rasam!
Tamarind
Garlic
One tomato
Salt
Pepper
Cumin powder
Mirchi powder
Turmeric
Water
Soak the tamarind and a cut up tomato separately in hot water. Let it soak for a few minutes. Once done, squeeze out the tamarind juice with your hands. Throw the tamarind away and keep the water. Squeeze the tomato pieces too. Mix the two.
Put them on the gas and add some water. Add the salt, pepper, cumin powder, mirchi powder and turmeric.
Finally add the garlic and coriander if you want.
Let it come to boil. Can add some lemon for tasting.
yay done! All you have to do now is season it with some oil and jeera. :)
Dear you,
I hope you are doing well. I have been travelling a bit these past few days
and its been wholesome. May you have a wholesome week too <3
Love, kindness and warmth,
Nidsitis
'I’ve been circling for thousands of years and I still don’t know: Am I a falcon, a storm, or a great song?' - Rainer Maria Rilke