'May the clarity of light be yours, May the fluency of the ocean be yours'
Reading corner
Beannacht
by John O’Donohue
On the day when
The weight deadens
On your shoulders
And you stumble,
May the clay dance
To balance you.
And when your eyes
Freeze behind
The grey window
And the ghost of loss
Gets into you,
May a flock of colours,
Indigo, red, green
And azure blue,
Come to awaken in you
A meadow of delight.
When the canvas frays
In the currach of thought
And a stain of ocean
Blackens beneath you,
May there come across the waters
A path of yellow moonlight
To bring you safely home.
May the nourishment of the earth be yours,
May the clarity of light be yours,
May the fluency of the ocean be yours,
May the protection of the ancestors be yours.
And so may a slow
Wind work these words
Of love around you,
An invisible cloak
To mind your life.
Healing notes
A couple of weeks ago, I wrote to a few people who follow this newsletter to ask them a few questions about what "being there" looks like.
It was just two questions: How would you like people to reach out to you? What does holding space for you mean? I got such a wide range of responses, which of course I am not surprised by. We are such a diverse kind of people.
One of them, P, said that they thought the question was about how people could reach out to them so them can be there for them. They felt that receiving care was hard; giving care and being there was easier. In their words: I have never understood how "We will figure this out together works" because I am more of "I will figure it out first myself and then we can brainstorm all the possible scenarios I came up with, and some more" person.
Another Z, said they like it when people send them photos of their everyday. Having lived away from their closest friends these past few years has been hard. But when they send photos from their everyday, they feel held, seen and a way of holding space without communicating it through words; or even when words fall short.
E said: "Reaching out is welcome with practiced ease, stumbling awkwardness. and holding space for me is letting me make mistakes while holding me accountable. Some gentleness."
I, of course, began this from a place of what it looks like to me. I think a couple of newsletters ago I was thinking about receiving care myself. As someone who holds space for others, I've learnt to try not to fix the other person's problems and just be there. Try to offer thoughts and hope, but not fix it. I wish the same for myself.
So I went ahead on Instagram and asked people this. How do they hold space without trying to fix? What does not fixing look like? Three people replied, all Ss. Was such a lovely conversation with each of them that I just want to highlight what they said.
S1 felt they had spent a lot of their life trying to fix problems when other people discussed them. But being there for them, without fixing them. They said: "I am practising listening and just being there."
S2 felt the questions resonated with them because of their own thoughts around this for a while. Their wonderful thoughts were: "Something that's come up is holding on to and constantly referring back to the idea of embracing difference - what looks/feels good or right to you, may not look or feel that way to me but I have to feel trust in what you know for yourself as more of an expert in your life than I am."
S3 felt that the past six months were enriching for them with regards to this. They have learned and grown to understand what this kind of holding space looks like. They said: "When you provide that space, it helps me to grow, to accept that there is love and also helps me to understand myself better."
All these answers resonated with me so deeply. It is amazing to hold space and be there for each other in a way that is enriching, love filled and vulnerable. Sometimes, I think it involves admitting that we are bad at not giving advise. That we feel we know better. Then stepping away from it, deep breaths and leaning into the idea that holding space is different for each of us. So maybe I need to ask the other person, "What do you want me to do? What does me being there for you me right now look like?"
[Thank you to everyone who shared their thoughts. I used a they/them pronoun and letters just to keep everyone anonymous.]
Food experiments
I had a fridge full of leftover food, all in little quantities and I really enjoy putting random ingredients together. So this is something with a bit of leftover rice, some mushrooms and bacon!
I began by cutting up pieces of bacon and frying it till the fat melts. My sister gave me this idea of adding water to the bacon so it cooks and doesn't burn. After about five minutes of the bacon cooking, I cut up and added some chopped up mushrooms to it. Then I covered it up for a few minutes - maybe five or even ten minutes? The mushrooms become crispy and so does the bacon! Crispy red and crispy brown!
Next, add the rice to it and mix well. After this, add a bit of salt. For flavour, I added oregano and chilli flakes!
After you mix this well, heat a bit of oil in a pan and add jeera to it. Mix the jeera well and add it to the top of the rice. And TADA!
Subtle and really yummy!
Dear you,
Recovery is such a hard process when you are tired of walking this criss crossed paths.
I would like to hibernate for um, a bit? Anyone interested in starting a
hibernation fund? No? Fine. Hope you are sleeping well!
Love, kindness and warmth,
Nidsitis
'I’ve been circling for thousands of years and I still don’t know: Am I a falcon, a storm, or a great song?' - Rainer Maria Rilke