'Knows we were all meant for something'

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Reading corner
  Carrying
by Ada Limón

The sky’s white with November’s teeth,
and the air is ash and woodsmoke.
A flush of color from the dying tree,
a cargo train speeding through, and there,
that’s me, standing in the wintering
grass watching the dog suffer the cold
leaves. I’m not large from this distance,
just a fence post, a hedge of holly.
Wider still, beyond the rumble of overpass,
mares look for what’s left of green
in the pasture, a few weanlings kick
out, and theirs is the same sky, white
like a calm flag of surrender pulled taut.
A few farms over, there’s our mare,
her belly barrel-round with foal, or idea
of foal. It’s Kentucky, late fall, and any
mare worth her salt is carrying the next
potential stakes winner. Ours, her coat
thicker with the season’s muck, leans against
the black fence and this image is heavy
within me. How my own body, empty,
clean of secrets, knows how to carry her,
knows we were all meant for something.

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Healing notes
  There are some days when nothing makes any sense. I feel like a free floating log in the ocean. Without a purpose. Sometimes I know the value will present itself to me. I cannot always convince self there is value in this.  Somehow I have found myself in a place after long where all the hard work, the passion, the commitment, the struggles all felt like they had culminated in this moment of clarity - disrupting the noise inside my head to reveal a truth. Ada Limon's words helped me articulate this a bit better:

The Noisiness of Sleep

Careful of what I carry
in my head and in my hollow,

I’ve been a long time worried
about grasping infinity

and coaxing some calm
out of the softest part

of the pins and needles
of me. I’d like to take a nap.

But not a nap that’s eternal,
a nap where you wake up

having dreamt of falling, but
you’ve only fallen into

an ease so unknown to you
it looks like a new country.

Let me slip into a life less messy.
Let me slip into your sleeve.

It wasn't like all of a sudden my life was less messy. But somehow the mess made sense? It felt right. And it had without my knowledge slipped into my life and slipped into my consciousness. This is such a rare feeling for me - someone who is unusually hard on herself and the world. Yet, I have to believe, if I believe in change, in healing that we are all meant for something.

Something larger than what I see in the moment. Something else. I feel this even more strongly as I see 16-yr-old Greta Thunberg occupy space in this world in such an honest and earnest manner. She is demonstrating through example what we can do - what an individual can do. People all around are asking if she is a prop, if she shouldn't be speaking with such clarity, if she knows what she is saying. The same was also said of Malala when she first began to speak (though vastly different circumstances). But the world seems surprised by both these young women (girls?) speaking truth to power. We have much to learn from both about what it takes for us to believe in our inner calmer voice. 

I see them and I remind myself, it is important to keep working at what I do. It will all make sense in the end. We are meant for something, something in the world. <3 Just baby steps. Carrying this (sometimes difficult) body to something :)

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Food experiments
  Everyone who reads this newsletter (hi folks!) know that I live alone and hence experiment with weird things together. I apologise but this week is no different!

I put eggs, coconut milk and Goan chorizo together. I am not sorry to say - it was the most divine thing I have eaten in a long time!!

One roll of Goan Chorizo (spicy)
Two boiled eggs
100ml coconut milk
Spices - whatever you want!
Salt

Cook the Goan chorizo for a while as the fat melts and cooks the meat in itself.

Add the boiled eggs by cutting it up into small pieces.

Let these two blend into each other for 5-10 minutes.

Finally add the coconut milk and all the spices you would like. Top it up with salt.

And tada! Add rice/noodles and enjoy :)
 

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  Dear you,
It has been a hugely rewarding and satisfying week.
I hope you had a good one too. <3
Love, kindness and warmth,
Nidsitis
  'I’ve been circling for thousands of years and I still don’t know: Am I a falcon, a storm, or a great song?' - Rainer Maria Rilke