'isn’t it true for all of us that we need a guiding other'
Reading corner
And isn’t it true for all of us
by Pádraig Ó Tuama
and isn’t it true for all of us
that we need someone
to watch us when we leave
and when we need
to make our own
way home,
and
when we’re making something we can’t see,
or when we’re shaping up to be
a person that can feel
a hundred sorrows and still
get through the day
who could dream a hundred horrors
and make it anyway,
isn’t it true for all of us
that we need a guiding
other,
maybe mother, maybe lover,
maybe nothing other than a stranger,
who could see our fear,
and with kindness then, unfold a welcome,
isn’t it true for all of us
that we need our secrets told
and that without another
to bear witness to the children
that were never born,
and would never be grown-up
we would be alone and lost and cold,
there would be childish hungers left
inside of us,
needing to grow old.
Healing notes
Sometimes this recovery makes no sense to me. I have spent innumerous therapy sessions dealing with the horrors I have lived through so I stop being a ticking bomb. However, it still feels like so much work to be done. Last week in therapy, I asked my therapist if I could stop; take a break; stop doing this work. And she smiled and said: it is hard hard work and that she is proud of me for continuing and I can stop whenever I want to.
a person that can feel
a hundred sorrows and still
get through the day
who could dream a hundred horrors
and make it anyway.
I told her then about this poem. She asked me to breathe through the pain and try again whenever I feel ready.
Sometimes dealing with the unresolved memories is painful. Sometimes burying them feels better. Sometimes there is respite from revisiting them and being reminded you didn't imagine that pain and horror. All of this exists within me these days - as I struggle to decide if this difficulty in shifting the narrative inside me will continue or will slowly get better? There are no clear answers of course. But I am lucky to show up in therapy (or with work on self), break down in life and try again when I have the energy. For everyone who needs it, I hope you find all these as well. <3
Food experiments
I love mixing strange things in my noodles but this was a particularly delicious combo of tomato puree and mustard mixed with some spices. I let that reduce for 15 minutes and added the sausages to it. Then the capsicum and mushrooms. Eventually I let it cook for nearly 25 minutes.
On the side I boiled my noodles.
Mixed the two together and voila. Do not store for too long and eat quickly :D
(I finally baked something simple this week and so excited to share the recipe with you all <3)
Dear you,
It has been a long and arduous week with tonnes of pain. So let's hope the next
week is better and the month even more so. <3
Love, kindness and warmth,
Nidsitis
'I’ve been circling for thousands of years and I still don’t know: Am I a falcon, a storm, or a great song?' - Rainer Maria Rilke