'I missed more than I think I can remember'
Reading corner
Turning
by W S Merwin
Going too fast for myself I missed
more than I think I can remember
almost everything it seems sometimes
and yet there are chances that come back
that I did not notice when they stood
where I could have reached out and touched them
this morning the black shepherd dog
still young looking up and saying
Are you ready this time
Healing notes Last week, as part of a tarot reading, I got the four of swords. The four of swords symbolises: rest, contemplation and quiet preparation. To say that his card spoke to me would be an understatement. I almost needed to see the four of swords in a reading. It has been long since a reading was not filled with chaos and uncertainty; with curve balls and new experiences. To have one centered in calmness made me feel relieved. This says a lot to me about how much rest, contemplation and quiet preparation I need in my life right now. How the tarot was merely reassuring me of the need.
Accompanied with this was the Hermit. Often I read the hermit as a need for solitude. But off late I have been reading his presence as the need for reflection, a search for better understanding of the self. I of course have a lot of solitude (in general as I live alone with cats). Cats are beautiful companions who also love their solitude. However, quiet reflection is not always present in my life at the moment. Especially when I have been spending too much time worrying about finances, about work, about the cats and about my body. Quiet reflection with less angst is something I crave. It helps me prepare better for the changes in my body; helps me feel in moderation instead of living in the extremes. It allows me to process my feelings better.
For me, tarot cards don't necessarily predict the future. They give me space to reflect on what I need in the moment. What I need in the weeks to come. What my brain is not letting through because of the anxiety. Having two cards in a reading that symbolised the need for reflection, inner quiet and rest, made me spend some time by myself reflecting in the past couple of days.
Through my daily routine, my work schedules and travels, I need to make space for both inner reflection and rest - of course I do. For quiet preparation for the weeks and months to come. Spending more time tending to myself.
I want to be less worn out in general and less anxious in particular. Here is hoping I can make tending to myself a more common feature and less a reaction to breakdowns and shutdowns. I cannot force myself to only retreat into quiet when I am on the verge of a collapse. I need more intermediary breaks, like reading more poetry, reading more tarot, spending time watching my inner thoughts. Situating the self on a regular basis. <3
Food experiments
Recently, my mother made me some onion pickle and left it in my fridge. It was utterly delicious so I asked her for her recipe!
Onion pickle
As instructed by her:
Fry 1 teaspoon fenugreek seeds and five to six dry mirchi.
Then slightly fry onions. Add salt.
Grind all with some tamarind.
Heat oil. Put mustard, jeera, curry leaves and add the ground onions.
Fry till oil separates.
Eat with upma or rice like I did :)
Dear you,
I hope the heat isn't too bad wherever you are. It is boiling here and I cannot
believe it is only April. Stay hydrated!
Love, kindness and warmth,
Nidsitis
'I’ve been circling for thousands of years and I still don’t know: Am I a falcon, a storm, or a great song?' - Rainer Maria Rilke