'I imagine the sea’s made of actual tears this would explain the salt'
Reading corner
Morning Prayer with Rat King by Kaveh Akbar
Gravity accounts for the distance between weight and mass it can also mean alarming importance human bones are so full of gravity it’s hard for us to swim I lost my glasses chasing a branch in the ocean which is far too deep to dredge sometimes I imagine the sea’s made of actual tears this would explain the salt think of all the disconsolate toddlers weeping right now into the earth the tears must go somewhere it’s important to consider everything to name what we’re able oceans give us rain but we don’t call rain ocean knot a dozen rats together by the tail and you’ve got a roi de rats which is harder than rain to hear in the night and far less welcome who mourns a rat king frustrated chthonic always the biter never the bitten they give us the evil we need to stay moored to good still I would break any promise to avoid finding one O Terrible God of the Mechanical Age I am your favourite pilgrim yet even I am finding it impossible to speak to you now without asking for protection
Source: https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poetrymagazine/poems/145990/morning-prayer-with-rat-king
Healing notes
I don't know how to start talking about healing right now. Sometimes I find myself face to face with my own difficulties of processing the kinds of emotions in my life that surface without any warning. In this beautiful podcast I heard, On Being, one of the guests talks about how you cannot get a trigger warning for life. I found this so true. Trigger warnings help me with content I am reading. But life itself comes with no such warnings. Which means I am left to turn from a jovial spirit to a ball of mess in the matter of seconds. My mind makes the connections and I feel 6, 8, 12, or whatever age again. Sometimes I am able to talk to my past self with kindness and compassion. Other times, my current self is at a loss of words for my past self. I am not sure how to handle it because these things are within me and outside people are confronted with a teary me. They are clueless about how this happened. It is all disconcerting.
If you find something you do helps make you feel better. Do share? I am trying out ways other than just stepping back from the moment and brewing myself some tea. <3
Food experiments
This was supposed to be a coffee cupcake but unfortunately it tasted more like chocolate. Sniff sniff. They were good either way. But I get a bit grumpy when the taste doesn't match my expectations.
Coffee and chocolate cupcakes
1 and 1/4 cup flour (gluten free mixture of buckwheat and coconut flour)
1 cup sugar (I used coconut sugar)
1/2 cup brewed, cooled coffee
1/3 cup dark chocolate cocoa powder
1/2 cup olive oil
4 eggs
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon baking powder
Combine coffee, cocoa powder, olive oil, sugar and eggs in a large bowl. In another bowl, combine flour, baking soda, baking powder. Add dry ingredients to coffee mixture; stir well.
Add raisins or walnuts or pecans on top and bake for 15 minutes at 170 degrees.
ENJOY!
P.s I refrigerated them and got nearly 8 cupcakes with this batter. You can add buttermilk and reduce the number of eggs if you want.
Dear friend,
It has been a crazy few weeks for me. The cats are grown and waiting to fly out of their home.
I wish your weeks are full of the things you want, lest I wish calm, quiet weeks on all of us.
Love, kindness and warmth,
Nidsitis
'I’ve been circling for thousands of years and I still don’t know: Am I a falcon, a storm, or a great song?' - Rainer Maria Rilke