'I have carved out my solitude in the midst of the clamour'
Reading corner
Closure
by Salma
Today, I build a fort
in the wasteland
to safeguard myself.
I shall not forsake my fort
for any voice
that summons me.
Always
you have plucked away
by force
all that was mine.
Today
fearful of no one
I sit
on this easy chair,
my legs outstretched.
Now,
I feel safe
I feel secure.
I shall not allow anyone inside
to take anything at all
away from me.
Your shouts
and your screams
are unbearable,
never letting me sleep.
Yet
I have carved out my solitude
in the midst of the clamour.
Only occasionally I hear
a strangely new
and startling call.
Someone unknown
delivering unknown gifts.
Fearful always
of duplicitous invitations
I strengthen my fort's walls
even more.
But what if they were
angels who went astray,
who arrived by chance
and have no gone home,
turned away by chance.
Healing notes
A couple of weeks ago my therapist said to me, Build boundaries not walls. I found the statement to be so simple yet profound.
I have a tendency to build walls in my relationships. Something doesn't work out, or I am unhappy somehow, I end up building walls. I keep people at bay and it gets harder for them to know me. Particularly people like my parents who I wish to have in my life but I am very bad at responding to their lack of boundaries. I either please them too much or build walls that they find themselves up against. It has been an ongoing, exhausting and hugely beneficial process of laying boundaries for them, reiterating them and ensuring my opinions, my space are all respected.
I don't always succeed of course. Just last week, I felt violated by their actions when my boundaries were not respected. When I calmly conveyed my displeasure, it was dismissed as being too sensitive. I found myself sitting in the middle of a whirlpool of memories when this had happened before. It is so hard to pull myself out of the slippery slope of natural reactions to me feeling violated. I felt the urge to shut them out, maintain distance and be aggressive in protecting myself. It was when I rediscovered this poem. As much as I relate to that feeling, I am trying (learn, learn learn) to build a healthy relationship between me and boundaries; a relationship where my first response is not to shut it all down.
Do you have any experiences of this? What is the ground you choose to walk on? Do you have any advice for me as I learn the art of boundaries in relationships?
Food experiments
Millet idli
This is not really a recipe but it is something I recommend.
You get these ready made millet idli packets in organic markets and GoodDiets is particularly good. One needs to just add curd and water to it and the batter is ready.
They are actually very good and I am loving having them in my kitchen. Hope you will try it <3
Dear you,
Exhaustion in this heat seems but normal. I am too tired as but normal.
Hope you are hydrating and feeling strong. <3
Love, kindness and warmth,
Nidsitis
'I’ve been circling for thousands of years and I still don’t know: Am I a falcon, a storm, or a great song?' - Rainer Maria Rilke