'I am the blossoming season'
Hello friend,
April has gone bye bye and May has arrived, bringing with it some wonderful possibilities, I hope.
I hope the month is full of small treasures and pleasures.
Thank you for being here.
Reading corner
Rain-River
by Kutti Revathi
I am the rain’s fall;
you are the pull of the river.
The force of our love’s union
is like red earth and pouring rain* –
the leaping of fish into the body –
the entwining of water-weeds.
The fierceness of your embrace
whirls me about
tosses me against the rock-beds
makes me lose my breath.
Your lap is my wheeling miracle-seat;
the prize conferred by the ancients.
The soft skin of your hands
strokes my eyes, reaching
around my neck.
When you come towards me, beckoning,
the grass tears my feet.
You are the hastening of time;
I am the blossoming season.
(Translated from Tamil by Lakshmi Holmström)
Healing notes
There is so much to say, yet I am so hesitant. What if I give too much detail about the brokenness I feel? What if I linger for too long on the painful details? Parts I have worked very hard to protect from other's eyes, knowing fully well that the harshest eye is mine. Parts which are fleeting and hard to hold onto, especially on days when I feel I am up against all things terrible.
I change a lot. Life changes a lot. I find it harder to be rigid about things, but I am still rigid about so much. Things slip between my fingers easily. Thoughts drift away. Ideas vanish. Emotions swirl around inside me - happy now vs in too much pain, so sad, later.
My body and mind, in wellness and illness, are teaching me about letting go and holding on.
About relaxing. hustling.
About listening. talking.
About giving space. taking space. even when I don't feel like.
About being broken. being whole.
About being. being. being.
Somewhere, I wanted clarity so badly that the dualities, ambiguities had slipped past me.
Food experiments
There was too much travel to experiment something this past week but I was reminiscing about baking and this beautiful banana and chocolate loaf. I am not a big fan of banana. I spent half my childhood exchanging it on the sports fields and half my adulthood avoiding it. But these past few years, we have made peace and I can eat this fruit and now even bake with it. A friend and fellow cat lover was baking a now gluten free version one morning when I realised I must try! The internet came to my rescue and I found this recipe which is so luscious and easy that I bake it all the time now. I have even attempted the vegan version which was surprisingly superb!
Banana and chocolate chip loaf
3 mashed bananas
1 cup coconut flour
1/2 cup buckwheat flour (or another flour like oat flour)
2 eggs
2 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1 tablespoon cinnamon
1 cup walnut + chocolate chip pieces
1/4 cup olive oil
1 cup coconut sugar
Beat the mashed bananas and the eggs together. Add oil, sugar till combined.
Add the flours, the baking powder, baking soda, cinnamon, chocolate chip and walnuts.
Oil the pan/baking loaf pan being used. Pre heat oven to 200 degrees celsius. Pour the batter into the loaf pan. Add a few walnuts and chocolate chips on top.
Bake for 30-45 minutes depending on the oven.
For me sometimes the loaf gets done in 40 minutes. Check to ensure it doesn't get burnt. I love the loaf and the crispness of it! Cool and enjoy!
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Dear you, Spam and I have made some peace, I hope As a new month begins, I wish you a lot of hope and cake.
Love, kindness and warmth,
Nidsitis
'I’ve been circling for thousands of years and I still don’t know: Am I a falcon, a storm, or a great song?' - Rainer Maria Rilke