'Fall apart'
May you find lots of green spaces to be in this week <3
Reading corner by Nayyirah Waheed
be softer with you. you are a breathing thing.
a memory to someone.
a home to a life.
---
in our own ways
we all break.
it is okay
to hold your heart outside of your body
for
days.
months.
years.
at a time.
-- heal
---
fall apart.
please
just, fall apart.
open your mouth.
and
hurt. hurt the size of everything it is.
Healing notes
It was a few weeks ago (30?!) when I thought I would start writing something consistently about healing. I had spent a while thinking about it but it always brought me back to the beginning or going around in what felt like circles. I wanted to share this journey with someone else.
There were months and then days when I fell apart and then put myself back together, only to fall apart again. It was all part of the process.
Healing has never been lonely for me. A lot of people have asked me if I have felt understood, heard and seen all this time, and I have. I think a lot of my healing, this journey of mine, has had others on it. Friends, family, loved ones, community that possibly saw the ups and downs. The painful peaks and pain reduced troughs. Being witnessed this way has changed me. It has helped me be more present with myself. To trust myself. Like they did with me.
I wish I could say in all these months of trying to find solutions, I found myself, or some such beautifully worded thought. Yet, what I did find is hope and kindness. Nestled within my being and around me that keeps me going.
That is also beautiful I guess. Today, as I write this, I want to cherish this hope. Live this kindness. Even now when I don't feel put together. <3
Food experiments
I love the idea of wearing my apron and cooking. Good days, bad days. It is a lovely feeling to be in the kitchen and have the world dissolve around me. What used to be a chore had somehow become among the happiest moments of my everyday. This dish is something of a favourite and I always add different veggies to it. It is delicious! I remember I once made this dish in my grandmother's house for her. It was a morning of cooking in her kitchen with my sister; it is very memorable.
Curd-based paneer curry
Curd (how much ever you want)
Two baby corn pieces
Mushroom (about 100 gms)
One stem of pakchoi
Salt
Pepper
Turmeric
Pour the curd into a vessel and heat. Let it heat till the water and granules separate from each other. You will see a transparent liquid and white granules. Once this is done, pour the liquid through a strainer. Keep aside.
Begin by cutting all the vegetables. Put oil in the pain. Once hot, add the mushrooms, baby corn and pakchoi in that order. Fry till cooked.
Add the paneery mixture to the veggies at the end.
Then add salt, pepper and turmeric. Mix till you like the consistency. Add a bit of milk to the mixture for creamy taste. Serve with rice or bread.
Delicious!
Dear you,
I am glad for the time you take to read this. It makes me very
happy that you do. <3
Love, kindness and warmth,
Nidsitis
'I’ve been circling for thousands of years and I still don’t know: Am I a falcon, a storm, or a great song?' - Rainer Maria Rilke