'Failures of feeling'
Another week flies by and it gets hotter too.
If you love mangoes, I hope you have been eating them in whatever form
you like! Here, the various kinds of yummies are being bought and consumed.
Happy next edition to you, too!
<3 <3
Reading corner
"'The things that I regret in my life are not errors of judgment but failures of feeling.' I was thinking about that as I ate my dinner quietly in my room.
There is still a popular fantasy, long since disproved by both psychoanalysis and science, and never believed by any poet or mystic, that it is possible to have a thought without a feeling. It isn't.
When we are objective we are subjective too. When we are neutral we are involved. When we say 'I think' we don't leave our emotions outside the door. To tell someone not to be emotional is to tell them to be dead.
My own failures of feeling were a consequence of closing down feeling where it had become too painful."
- Jeanette Winterson,
Why be happy when you could be normal?
Healing notes
April is a tough month for me. This month makes me miss Layla so much more. I feel a mix of grief and extreme love, intense as always, Despite it being nearly two years, I still feel a tightness in my body that her presence, her breathing relaxed so well. She helped me be more resilient even when she was going through very difficult times. I know I need to assimilate all that she is to me, all the lovely things she brought into my life, within me. It takes time though.
While I work on that (on that long route), I have been lucky to have this tiny and amazing community of friends, sisters (in arms) who hold me up when I am unable to hold myself up. Building my resilience one seed at a time. A hand written card. A box with 'cupcakes' on it. A beautiful dress. Bunch of my favourite not-yet-bloomed flowers. Sharing medicines or secrets to the recovery process. Saying the words I most need to hear in difficult times. Being kind and gentle when I am being harsh. Sharing bits of themselves to help me carry on. Sharing recipes of cakes that I can eat. Prodding me along on this healing journey. Stopping only to laugh at jokes that possibly no one else would get.
I feel grateful for them. For the generosity of the world. Essentially, for Layla. For her remarkable spirit, magnificent love and gentleness. For teaching me the important lessons of love, gratitude, and to avoid moments where I feel like I have failed to feel.
Food experiments
Last week was a week of bad experiments. Mango cake was attempted. Mango squish was ended up with. It was modified and some amazing secondary stuff was leftover. But not really recipes I would like to share yet. This recipe, though, is among my favourite breakfast cookies and is such a quick and easy one! I recommend it to many people because it is fast, doesn't require many ingredients and there are several versions of it available online. This one that I use works best for my taste and I love what the banana does to it.
Peanut butter and bananaoat cookies
1 banana
1 cup rolled oats
1 egg
2 tablespoon honey
2 tablespoon oil
1/4 cup peanut butter
1/4 cup raisins/chocolate chip/ walnuts/ almonds
1/4 tsp baking soda
1/4 tsp baking powder
I always like to keep a little bit 1/4 cup coconut milk on standby
(I am terrible at measuring this so I am sure it ends up being more. Oops)
Mash the banana and beat the egg. Add peanut butter, honey, oil and beat well. Add baking powder, baking soda and oats. Mix well. Fold in the raisins, chocolate chip or whatever one you choose.
If it is a little dry, I add a bit of coconut milk. But usually, the banana does marvellous things. Put in fridge for 20 minutes.
Press down as cookies and then bake at 180 degrees for 10-15 minutes. Once cool, photograph and share it with me :-) Happy baking and eating!
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Dear you,
My continued relationship with spam is intriguing. We will not give up. Teehee. I hope the gruelling month of April has been gentle to you.
Love, kindness and warmth,
Nidsitis
'I’ve been circling for thousands of years and I still don’t know: Am I a falcon, a storm, or a great song?' - Rainer Maria Rilke